Choosing Pearls

Today, I’m drawing strength from my Jesus. The journey I’m on right now is learning to trust Him, and love Him, no matter what is going on right now. 

No matter if He’s waiting to answer my prayer.

No matter if I’m hurting.

No matter if I, secretly, deep down, blame Him for my pain.

Gasp. Yes. You read that right. No, you may not be as surprised as I was to realize it. But I did. He helped me realize it. In an ever-so-loving way, He helped me realize that a seeming unanswered prayer that has seemed to go from bad to worse has been standing in the way of my faith. Standing in the way of my love for Him.

I was guarded against my Jesus. I still am, I think, a little. It’s going to be a whole healing process, and we’re just beginning. But Jesus is up for the challenge, and so I will be too. I’m learning a few things along the way.

He does ache for the situation to be better. Not just better – resolved. Healed. Perfect. He aches for it more than I do. More than I can even comprehend.

He aches to reach in and fix it. He has to really restrain Himself from doing just that.

He can fix it. He holds the power to fix it all.

Why is He restraining Himself, then? Why, when He has the power, and wants to fix it, does He not? This was exactly my struggle.

Because He knows better. He knows that the pain is an unfortunate part of the process; of His better plan.

“Abba, Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt.” Mark 14:36

Not my will but Thine, Father. Abba. Daddy. You know best.

Because He knows that to take it away now, to fix it all without due process, in this situation, is not the best way. It would not foster greater faith in me. There are numerous other effects this might have on the outcome that I could never even realize, none of them best.

Because my Daddy wants the best for me. My Jesus wants nothing less for His Princess. The daughter of the King.

So I wear my pearls today. The pearl is for me a reminder – because God knows I need visuals – that the suffering is worth the wait. That pearls come from discomfort, time, patience, more discomfort, that itch you can’t scratch, pressure, more discomfort and more waiting. The longer you wait, the more valuable your pearl will become. Bigger, more visible and more precious.

I used to not like pearls. And today I realized why. And also why I like them now.

When I didn’t like pearls, I was a little girl, and the only pearls I was acquainted with were on my costume jewelry. I didn’t like them, because the shiny coating would chip off, and I’d be left with a string of ugly off-white plastic beads – and not always even the same color as each other.

Those were false pearls.
Those were not made with the same discomfort as my grown-up pearls.

Real ones.

Real pearls made from real pressure and patience. From pain.

And so many times we look at false pearls and think they’re the real thing, and then wonder why our faith isn’t stronger. Wonder why it seems as if satan worked a little better in a situation than our Jesus did. Wonder why we’re left hurting.

Satan makes false pearls.

But those false pearls may be the very ones that leave us guarding our hearts from the very One who wants to heal it. Protecting our hearts from our Abba. Our Daddy. Our Healer and Protector and Provider.

And then one day the shiny paint chips away and the pearls are ugly and the beads don’t match. And it makes us despair.

But our Abba makes real pearls. They’re irregular and each one is unique, but the paint doesn’t chip away, and they’re worth a whole lot more. They’re stronger than plastic.

Dear Jesus, help me wait for the real pearls. Thank you for making real pearls with my life.

Not my will, but Yours. The pain will one day be worth it.